marsg.

Tedious Thursday

2012-02-17T02:18:00.000+08:00

Work was horrid.

Thank God for Raudhah, we teamed up today(like finally!) so it was a huge relief to know that
we weren't going to be partnered up with one of the rude arrogant girls there.

Things got messy, Ely Nayli Raudhah and I were basically... panicking. Thank God for Fizal. He was
like a guardian angel emerging out from a shining ray of light(lol maybe not). He helped us alot
and cooled me down and pleaded me not to quit. Haha so cute!

Went home with Amin, everything in the world faded away and it became just him and I, so it was cool because I forgot about every maddening thing that happened in work.

Tomorrow I shall have girly date with Raudhah! Excited although we just met a few hours ago.
I'm in love? HAHA.

Special

2012-02-15T22:43:00.001+08:00

One moment I was rushing for the bus, late for school again.

Next thing I know, I was assigned to guide MINDS folks that were coming over for a tour around the Army Exhibition happening in my school(which was corrupted by delicious mature looking army men!!)

Even though I've interacted with mentally challenged folks before this, I wasn't prepared for what came.

All of them that came were in the age group of 20-55 years old.
Some appeared to be as normal as any other healthy auntie or uncle you see everyday but the second we started interacting, I was reminded why they were different. It hit me so bad that this could happen to anyone's mum, dad or child. Anyone could be different, be it from birth or from a disastrous fever.

I wish to not sympathize them.
Instead admire their spirit to live and be happy despite the fatal conditions they face.

I loved today, loved being their friend. There some of my favourites like Princess who held my hand the second she got down from her shuttle bus. Also Auntie, who hummed and sang some catchy tunes throughout the whole trip. And Uncle, I wanted to bring him home oh God, I just loved getting him to talk to me, too cute.

There was 1 that didn't let me hold anyone's hands but his and I couldn't let go either because his hand held very tightly on mine. A little odd but still awwwww.

It was all good, a few stares and glares by some people in school especially when we were feeding the MINDS ice-cream. I know they're just curious by.. by the folks? But its still rather rude to stare, I mean why didn't you just take a photo of us as well?

So goodbye eventually came and they left, everyone got a little bumped.
Including me. But I'm just glad today happened.

Goodnight xx

Restart

2012-02-15T02:39:00.001+08:00

"Everything on me has a smell of you"
"But I stink :-( "

"And I love it"

Lovers Day

2012-02-15T02:05:00.004+08:00

14th February 2012

Valentine's Day today, was very hesitant to celebrate it.

But I did anyways.

Feeza came up to my class just to give me this big warm hug and a Valentine surprise gift.

It was this cute keychain green frog, with a pink frog. Of course, it was us in frog miniatures!

Almost teared, God I missed her so much.

-----------------

He bought some of my favourite chocolates & I gave him a card (full of love) in return.

Gelare waffles right after school hence the uniform, which made everything a nostalgic perfect.

Reminds me of our friends or?-moments

when the only times we hung out were after school,

wearing our good old school uniform.

P.S: Hope everyone enjoyed their day today, doesn't matter with family, friends or lover.

As long you're loved!

V.day with me

2012-02-14T02:09:00.014+08:00

13th February 2012

He kisses my forehead and bids farewell.

The lift door almost closes but I hear him anyway, "Don't forget to check your bag"

And found this little cute notebook in the front zip of my bag.

absent

2012-02-13T13:37:00.000+08:00

I've got my debarment appeal letter, surprise surprise.

But I've been going to my morning classes regularly since last week,

so hopefully Cikgu Nyonya will go easy on me and sign it.

How are you doing?

2012-02-13T13:26:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry.

I haven't been feeling happy. I've been unreasonable, a little cranky. But please, bear with me. Please continue loving me. I'm not sure of anyone who'd be so willing to stick with me, as of you. I was in love with you 9 months ago, I'm still in love with you, else even more.

I've been feeling lonely. I miss my friends, all of them. I miss my bestfriends. Where are they? Everyone's been so far away, I don't know if it'd still be the same again. Whats wrong with me? Dear God, Shidah get a grip.

MacLuvin'

2012-02-09T01:49:00.003+08:00

Entertaining ourselves with humour and a camera phone.

Oh yes, I put this up on our Youtube account so..

HAHAHA.

stagnant

2012-02-08T15:43:00.001+08:00

Its less than 24 hours to my exams and I've yet to flip a page of my workbook.
Usually I'll feel a sense of urgency by now.

Maybe I'm unmotivated, distracted...
I am my own enemy after all.

The Ex

2012-02-08T01:55:00.001+08:00

Sitting in MacDonalds, we were devouring our ice-creams.

Whilst video-recording each other using my handphone camera.

A familiar figure bristled past me out of the restaurant, it was him.

I chased him and caught up, I just needed to see him. Needed to know how he's doing.

He shrugged off when I accused him of avoiding me back there in Macs,

but of course he was. Not avoiding me perhaps, just avoiding awkwardness.

We spoke, joked and laughed a little, it got comfortable so I asked,

"Hey do you wanna join me and my boyfriend back in there? We could hang out and talk"

But of course, of course not.

We bid goodbye without any of our usual hugs, which was appropriate.

Because our hugs were never casual and perhaps, should never be.

I returned to my table, looked into the face that awaited me with sheer curiosity.

And I realised I was smiling into the face of my present, future and forever.

Neo-Terror

2012-02-08T01:36:00.001+08:00

The moon was beautiful tonight, couldn't quite stop staring at it.

Made the craziest hasty decision to go for this neoprint shop we've been always passing

by in Jurong Point and the pictures turned out really nice!!

I've had a good week, been going for morning classes. Though I've been having miscommunication troubles lately, but everything usually falls nicely into place eventually. So, I'm glad.

Goodnight now xx

new

2012-02-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

God finally I'm done.

For 4 years or more I've been relying on my bestfriend and her forte on these crazy blog codes and blog templates, today for the first time I finally did a blogskin on my own!!

Even though it took me 3 hours or more.

Rather satisfied with my current blogskin, it looks.... brighter and cheerful?

A little too girly for me but it'll do, for now, I'm too tired too edit it all over again!!

Okay goodnight, school's tomorrow!

thrillx

2012-02-05T20:23:00.000+08:00

4 February 2012

First day at Grand Park hotel was so much easier than any other hotel job I've experienced.
Though Raudhah Hanafiah and I suffered several times out of embarrassment. But its okay, getting lost in the building(because everyone else left us) was rather funny, strangers looked at us in the lift and they just knew we were lost! Will be working again next sunday yes yes more $$$ coming in.

After work the plan was supposedly to go to the Gig at Outram Park but we got lost and our friends had too much fun to help us out so me and Amin had an impromptu movie date at Bugis at 2130 hours and watched Chronicle, really short but thrilling movie!

The night ended rather hard because I didn't want to say goodbye to him, but it had to happen anyway. Don't you just find separating at the end of the date very very dreadful!!

Empty Beauty

2012-02-04T02:06:00.000+08:00

Expectations & Dream Clothes:

Reality Check:

Ho wells, life's never quite what you want especially when you're broke like me.

I honestly don't remember the last time I went out and had a good shopping spree, its sad.

And that is why I gotta work tmrw together w Amin and Raudhah Hanafiah!!

And hopefully crash into a gig because I'm too broke to buy a ticket.

Goodnight xx

my fridays

2012-02-03T11:43:00.001+08:00

Woke up crying.

Had a nasty dream. At first I was happily married to Amin Syahmi, suddenly my mother was a skinny Catherina Zeta Jones and we both were crying in each others arms. Then suddenly I remember about my real mum. And I found out she died... died in my dreams. It was rather traumatizing seeing that my dream really seemed realistic.

It really felt like I was an orphan, and I'd do just about anything to have my mother back.

Then I woke, realised it was a bad dream. And cried.

And there she is, peering into me, "Its 7.30am, bangun Nur bangun"

Ah, never was I so relieved to hear her voice. Felt like I wanted to hug her, tell her about my dream. But I decided not to... Not really sure why. Another thing what I'm not sure of is why my itchy hands cut my long fringe to short bangs now. Also why can't I seem to wake up for school these days? Yes, I skipped school today. No, I really wish to not get debarred.

Well, on a brighter note I'm meeting some friends to Karaoke at Bukit Timah! I'm scared of mikes and I can't sing but I think I can enjoy myself. Have a good Friday everyone!

God and Islam

2012-02-03T02:37:00.001+08:00

This evening I replenished myself with Ngaji, it was gratifying as usual.

Hopefully one day I'll be able to fully accept the obligations of my religion, become an honourable Muslim.

For now, I shall my sleep my furious hunger away.

Goodnight Earthlings xxx

1ST FEBRUARY

2012-02-02T00:09:00.000+08:00

Hello Flowers

Its February, don't feel any different about it, I'm still late for school.

I still eat alot. Perhaps maybe more, even during class.

And today, just as scheduled, was Moo's day! So we caught up after school and grabbed some indian cuisines hehehe yeh now my week's pocket allowance sudah habis WELL DONE SHITAH.

Sat around and played with a stray cat. He hasn't gotten his sleep yesterday night so the night ended early than usual. I'll see you again on friday, sleepyface.

his gift

2012-02-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

I know this is way overdue but I really think I should share it on my blog.

It is after all, my blog, so why bother keeping confidential meaningful stuffs from it?

On 21st January 2012.

He gave me this.

The small gift had a cryptic meaning behind it, I read the words on the little toy.

"Shahidah my love, will you follow me to a journey of love?
Just the both of us, I don't think I can ride alone"

I don't know if I answered, I most probably laughed to myself.
But yes, yes I'm with you in this ride.

Goodnight Moo Moo xx

for an old friend

2012-02-01T00:09:00.001+08:00

"When I grow up I wanna be a cactus and hug everyone.

Hey thats what you did, hurting everyone casually."

Cherry

I don't blame you for hating me. Actually I miss you, I miss you all the time.

I'm sorry, I wish I had an answer for you but I don't.

I'm not sure why I did the things I did, not sure how I got to one place to another.

But then,

You didn't lose out on anything, maybe I did.

I'm sorry I broke your heart or maybe I didn't, I don't know you never really showed.

I just hope you're doing fine and I really really am sorry.

Goodnight xx

masterpiece

2012-01-31T22:47:00.001+08:00

Bridesmaids Trailer

A must watch for anyone with a fetish for funny women. One of my favourite comedy movies ever possibly because Kristen Wiig plays the leading character, also the fact that this movie has been referred as the female version of The Hangover. I swear if Kristen Wiig is in it, nothing can not be unfunny.

Sick saturday

2012-01-28T23:04:00.001+08:00

Hello Flowers,

Amin took good care of me today while I was completely sick at Kaya's crib.

He was a very nice nurse that didn't run away from my stinky healthy farts.

A little better now, though it sucks to cancel tmrw's plan of meeting my girls.

I haven't been busy, everythings slowly like how it was.

It's all good

boy in red hoodie

2012-01-24T03:48:00.002+08:00

23rd January 2012.

Timecheck: 1530hours.

Awaiting on the other side of the tapping machine barriers,
Was him.

Standing tall with his hands dug deep into his red big hoodie.
The hoodie she loves. The one he wore when she first wrapped her arms around him.
Walking rather unsteadily towards him now,
She feels herself becoming self-conscious. A quick touch to her hair, her bag, her blouse.

As she reaches out to hug him,
His plastered serious face changes into a softer smiling one.
His hands wrap around her small waist, as she wraps around his neck.
After holding her a little too tight,
He then pulls away a little, to look at her small face that was buried into his chest.

Trying to quickly breathe in and grasp onto his scent desperately,
She smiles and whispers out, "Sorry I was late"

our 187 bus trips

2012-01-24T03:33:00.001+08:00

A very short clip of a couple of kids fooling around in a bus.

Goodnight everyone! xxx

Happy 8th Month

2012-01-22T05:26:00.000+08:00

I knew you'd come back for me.

I thought perhaps in a month or so, definitely not less than just a week.

Silly boy, I should have known.

Drawing a flower, kneeling down asking me to be your girlfriend(again)

Very corny but it was a complete classic.

I can't assure you that things will ever get easy for us

but I just hope that we'll never stop trying.

girlies

2012-01-22T04:14:00.002+08:00

Hi Flowers

Spent my week mostly with girlfriends, it was my perfect salvation.

Me and Natty finally mustered up the guts to hit our school gym & broke some good sweat.

Met Syara twice this week after school, I honestly couldn't get enough of this sweetie

Had these 2 hornyballs for my Saturday, absolute pleasure.

Of course I had some other great people and some cutiepies to accompany my supposedly newfound loneliness this week. Also got to meet Anisah Azmi on an impromptu outing on Saturday which was nice because we never really had a conversation the last we met. I also managed to shop myself a dress, which I've not done for ages.

Okay so damn hungry shall grab something unhealthy to eat!

you're still here

2012-01-17T15:10:00.000+08:00

Goodbye -Miley Cyrus

This song stands on the accounts of what exactly happened yesterday.
Till then, I'll be seeing you saturday Amin. Love you.

Mileyfied

2012-01-17T14:51:00.001+08:00

Miley Cyrus at SNL Show Live.

God, I love this woman.

all okay

2012-01-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

Today

Woke up to several xxx texts msgs from friends all around, telling me to stay strong.

Went to school and a bunch of close friends hugged me, telling me not to be sad anymore.

Checked my online social feeds with concerned friends, telling me I'll be okay.

Returned home with a worried mum, telling me everything happens for a reason.

Resting at home & my sis appears out of nowhere, telling me not to give my happiness up.

Now alone with my thoughts.

Somehow, today wasn't as painful as I thought it'd be. Wasn't as unbearable, nor depressing.
Though I felt a little embarrassed how I've accidentally made so many friends
unnecessarily worried sick by my blog and my twittings.
With all these moral support I'm getting and the company of great friends, and the book I'm currently onto...

I think I'll be just fine.

our favourite

2012-01-16T21:20:00.000+08:00

You Always Hurt The Ones You Love- Blue Valentine

You always hurt the one you love

The one you shouldn't hurt at all

You always take the sweetest rose

And crush it until the petals fall

You always break the kindest hearts

With a hasty word you can't recall

[It's actually really good
Okay, slow dance, slow dance to this part]
And if I broke your heart last night
It's because I love you most of all

emotional piece of tard

2012-01-16T02:35:00.002+08:00

Because I just needed to talk... to someone.
Also, the video got cut short apparently due to some paranormal disturbance. I am dead serious. My voice isn't usually this soft either, I was just trying to not let my sis hear me talk.. to my own laptop.

remember this?

2012-01-16T02:13:00.001+08:00

A photo of us during an earlier stage of the relationship. We didn't sleep, on the phone all night instead, went to school together and stoned in the library while taking pictures on my webcam. Quite brilliant.

Its not been a day yet and I'm already missing you.

Come back to me, please.

the break up

2012-01-16T01:51:00.000+08:00

15th January 2012

Wasn't it just the other day you promised not to ever let me go, no matter what? Wasn't it just the day before we kissed under the water fountain? I don't understand how in just 1 night, everything changes. A decision he made, that he believes is best for us now. He's gone from my life now. Perhaps once he fixes himself, he'll return into my open arms. Perhaps not.

I've not felt so much hurt before, overwhelmed with shock and poigance. Feels like as if i grieving for someone very dear to me that passed away. How do you live your life when someone living a part of you leaves, forever?

I can't make you stay anymore, my words are useless. I can only pray that something good will happen out of this mess. Pray that this is a bad dream, you'll be right beside me when I wake up. I've never fallen so deeply in love for someone, never given 120% of my heart to someone. I am not sure what to do now Amin. To move on and deny your existence, or wait. Wait for my happiness and never give you up. I am torn apart with my own thoughts, I feel defeated for not able to make you feel worthy of yourself. At the same time, I am so angry. So angry, you gave this relationship up.

I love you, but I guess... I'll learn to stop eventually.

love overboard

2012-01-15T04:09:00.000+08:00

"Sorry. Goodnight, love you", he whispers whilst giving out a faint smile.

She shrugs his apology off as if she didn't hear of it and hugs him goodbye. She thinks,

Sorry isn't enough, after the long silent night they've spent apparently for whatever reason she still wonders of. Not after all that tormenting silence.. Sorry is certainly not the accurate word to salvage this.

Sorry is just inadequate.

But of course, her heart doesn't remain rigid for long.

Reaching out for her phone, she sends him a short text. Hoping the text might appear as if she couldn't be bothered if he did reply, or not.

Of course that wasn't the case.

Because for the next few intense minutes, she waits there, looking at her handphone, awaiting for a vibration, waiting hopelessly, desperately for a text message. His text message.

Minutes over, no nothing. She concluded that he might have slept. She sighs and ponders.

Never to love a man too much, never to offer your love more than he does.

Oh, how could I forget all of this?

Natty's 19th!

2012-01-15T03:51:00.000+08:00

14th January

Me and this crazyball went to Marina Barrage, awaiting with a birthday surprise for Natty whom was anything but on time. So we had our own quality time there. But eventually they all arrived and the show went on.

It was a simple celebration, but I hope she liked it. Because I love her so much and her strength, given to what she's going through right now. I pray that Sai will stay by her side always, God knows how tight those lovebirds are, and of course you'll have me no matter what. Happy 19th Birthday Natty <3

A little silly though how I've got no photos of the birthday surprise! Ah, thank God for mental memories.

11th 12th 13th

2012-01-15T03:24:00.003+08:00

January 11th
Little Boys

Eversince Haneef(Amin's little brother) been enrolled to a new private housing childcare school this year, Amin's been juggling time to rush out from school after hes done with classes to fetch Haneef from his school at Marsiling and of course I, the ever so free girlfriend becomes his companion.

And this little darling! Is Darnish. Amin's mum's friend's son who happened to be in the same school as Haneef so we helped fetched him as well. Little did I know we were going to babysit him too later on... But both of the young boys including the older one(Amin hehe) were a pleasure to take care of :>

A video of Darnish being tormented by Hashim, too cute I swear I could just eat him up nomnonmnonmnom.

January 12th
On a schoolday

A little lovers reunion with Nat and Sai, been so long since me and Amin hung out with them. Me, Amin, Nat and Hashim slacked under a void deck(I know, ITE cliche at its best) whilst waiting for Sai to be done w his gym. I doodled a little, camwhored a little, kissed a little, laughed a little to salvage any possible boredom.

Afterwards as if we had so much time on our hands, me and Amin decided to visit Snip Avenue at Jurong East to maintain his fast growing thick hair. And all is well now!

But I will settle down to the fact that Chong Pang's Snip Avenue is the best!

January 13th
Moviemania

Waking up to a good cold friday was never easy for me. Skipped school, unfortunately due to my own disease of laziness and some fatal seduction from my bed.

Thought I'd sadly skip Moo Moo for that day but NO. We met at Jurong East Library after he ended school, spent our time watching my favourite movies on Samad. He was then given a short notice to go to work that night, thank God for our relaxing movie marathon date.

The night got a little teary, so many significant exchanges coming out of us. I was crying, but I loved every moment of it. I love you.

Ketchup

2012-01-15T02:21:00.001+08:00

So I haven't been blogging.

I could blame my busy schedule. Or my mum for hogging onto the internet modem lately to watch her Syarahans online. Or perhaps because there has been a few emotional conflicts involved, thus weighing down the spirit to write. I don't like to write my sorrows too often. It depresses me.

Now that currently I am in a lucid clear state of mind, I'll blog whatever I left out. Well, most of it.
And now, the post-athon cum mass blogging shall begin.

a valentine's movie

2012-01-11T22:21:00.000+08:00

The Vow Official Trailer 2012

Only watched the trailer but I already got goosebumps, THIS MOVIE IS A MUST.

always, rushing

2012-01-10T02:17:00.001+08:00

1st day of school

A rushing Shidah going up the bus. A rushing Shidah managing with stupid heels as she walks down the stairs. A rushing Shidah awkwardly walking out of a wrong classroom. A rushing Shidah awkwardly smiling at never-spoken-but-online-friends at school. A rushing Shidah focusing on her maximum to complete her project. A rushing Shidah sitting at piazza waiting impatiently for her Never Rushed, Always Annoyingly Calm boyfriend.

So you get my idea. Today's first was rushed. Hope I'll calm down a little tomorrow.
Shit, haven't started my Herbal Life. Damn me.

Goodnight everyone, goodnight baby xoxo

my mind in a shithole

2012-01-10T01:46:00.000+08:00

A little sick of this society sometimes. Aren't we all not?

Does a person's beauty, wealth, or intelligence defines its worth?

If so. Does that make them more valuable compared to the rest? Compared to those who are mentally and physically ill? Compared to those who cannot afford a decent meal a day? Compared to those not rich in money, but rich in kindness? Do these people whose worth are more valuable, are allowed to look down at the rest then? They are given more respect? Given more friends and attention?

I am certainly not perfect. I've done things and said things to also contribute to this selfish society we're in. But everyday I wake up and see people demonstrating acts of complete idiocy, befriending someone who they look up as cool and popular. Totally ignoring the fact that she might be unkind, but that doesn't really matter does it now? As long your photos are with 100 of like, or as long you're considered to be Tumblr Material(whatever that means) you gotta be some cool shit material, you're definitely my friend, we're totally in.

Hasn't our teenage society been feeding on thrash like this?

We say stop stereotyping well now, thats just some bullshit you might wanna impress people with.

Its so silly, really.

But who I am to judge, afterall. I am another teenager like you. I do use Facebook like you.

I socialize with cool people online too. In any ways, how am I any better than any of you, any of us?

And thats just it.

Everyones in this shithole together, falling deeper into the depth of these cracks of this broken society.

We can never really get out from it, or can we?

Hazeline, even for men

2012-01-10T01:00:00.001+08:00

A good boyfriend, first of all, allows you to test your newly bought cosmetic product on him. ASAP. Even if its on a bus. Because he loves you but really because he's too lazy to resist because I, apparently would always win eventually. Yes thank you *applauses*

Goodnight everyone! xoxo

Sunday Laze

2012-01-08T22:55:00.001+08:00

Well, evening

Tomorrow is the brand new day of the start of school. Definitely, I am anything but prepared.

Also, I have been absolutely obsessed with my recent foundings of a history we've known but never quite learnt. I'm talking about Nazis, Adolf Hitler but specifically on the Holocaust. I've researched on possible everything during what happened in that 'war'. The pictures, videos, documentations, even tragic movies of the Holocaust. Of course I am not surprised of myself, I'm quite an obsessive person.

But like what Amin told me, its already happened & everything everyone is good now, its too late for me to feel vengeful, nonetheless speak the worse of Germany.

Okay mind put to focus, school is tomorrow. Get ready now shidah, you better brace yourself for a busy week ahead with school reopening, teachers giving out new topic, teachers asking for assignments.

Oh god. Bless me! xx

Oh Q

2012-01-08T22:22:00.005+08:00

"Is your favourite colour blue?

Maybe yes

Do you always tell the truth?

yes i trust u

Do you believe in outerspace?

Hahaha yes u told me u like mars

And im learning you, of cos

Is your skin as tanned as mine?

Nope

Does your hair flow sideways?

Yes

Did someone took a portion of your heart?

Yeah someone alrdy did

And if you dont mind

Can you tell me

All your hopes and fears

and Everything that you believe in ?

Probably i could make a difference in ur world :)

I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation and

Only you can make me"

-Little Que

;Always jumping around with small surprises for me.

the ifs

2012-01-08T14:33:00.000+08:00

7.1.12

"If you are unpredictable then I should prepare for anything coming from you.
If you are demanding I should be the one to fulfil you demands.
If you are clingy I should be the one to make sure that I'm always there for you.
If you are unreasonable then I shouldn't be like and try to reason with you"

You have always been all that, I'm just being a little too hard aren't I now?

Freedom Writers

2012-01-08T14:28:00.001+08:00

Andre: Why should I give you my respect to you? Because you're a teacher? I don't know you. How do I know you're not a liar standing up there. How do I know you're not a bad person standing up there? I'm not just gonna give you my respect because you're called a teacher.

Eva: White people wanting their respect like its for free.

Marcus: I've never had a hero before. But you are my hero.

Miep Gies: Oh, no. No, no, no, young man, no. I am not a hero. No. I did what I had to do, because it was the right thing to do. That is all.

Miep Gies: But even an ordinary secretary or a housewife or a teenager can, within their own small ways, turn on a small light in a dark room.

This movie was based on a true strory. Its an eye-opener and shows you underneath all that 'ghetto' and 'hood' you see in TV. Also the same movie that brought my awareness to Holocaust. The diversity in this movie reminds me of how lucky how I am to be in a multi-racional Singapore with little(I didn't say nil) racial feuds. You must check this another Hilary Swanks movie out.

but he'll be okay anyway

2012-01-05T03:40:00.000+08:00

"Goodnight, love you too"

And another tear slips out of my right eye tonight. Like it did yesterday.

Another faintly goodbye. Another part of me dies.

Is it just me, or has our ambience been a little off lately?

My positive charge is running low for us. I'm not sure whats happening.

All I know... I'm feeling a little bit different w you nowadays.

But, I love you, still. More than ever.

Somewhere in Toa Payoh

2012-01-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

Putting all the cleaning aside today, I also found some old pictures in a dusty yellow box.

Oh weren't we a bunch of happy kids(awkward-looking for some)... Though I don't really remember any of their names now.

Oh well, babies weren't never really fond of me... even when I was a kid myself.

This particular picture remains more and more nostalgic as a day in my life passes. Reminds me so much of a different life I should be having now. Reminds me so much of my late dad. When he was still around, well and alive. An old place in Toa Payoh that used to be my home... before he left, and my mum decided we should change house. Perhaps if he went away when I was atleast 4, I could atleast grasp on mental memories of him I've made w my little brain and perhaps I could really love him w my little heart. But I was only 3, too young to even remember his voice.

Well, we must be grateful what we have now and always look forward in life :)

Goodnight everyone xoxo

Spring Cleaning

2012-01-04T23:55:00.002+08:00

“Spring cleaning is all about personal satisfaction. It is the time of year that triggers homeowners to revive their home and renew their lives.” -Peter Walsh

Its that time of season... when Shidah transform into her Cinderella alter-ego! My mum was of course delighted. She was just nagging yesterday about useless i am w the housechores. And here i was today, so willingly and determined to relive my house! Cheers to my lesser than 24 hours enthusiasm.

I picked out a Levis high-waisted long jeans from my hurricane of clothes. It belonged to Amin's dad & was given to me since his dad couldn't fit into it anymore. Believe it anot, the pants was my size! So anyway, I cut it into my own pair of Levis shorts, as I vaguely remember Amin said I could do whatever I wanted with it :3

Finally, I've organized my lower cupboard and everythings nicely sorted inside so it won't get stuck anymore. No more, 'FUCK I CAN'T SEEM TO OPEN THE DRAWER'

The most essential process. No more annoying big piles of clothes in my closet now, 'cos now everything will be in hangers and its super convenient!

Added some pictures to my boring wooden cupboard, anyway it'd be nice to see some of my favourite faces everyday. :)

I know the bottom shelf won't be considered organized but I just like the fact that I'm able to see all my bags (though poorly squeezed) so I can see my options. The upper shelves were kept to minimal storage!

The Shidah Mars you see, was a birthday gift from my bestfriend Kaya, last year. Thought it'd be nice to stick it up on the cupboard door. Oh yes, thats my YOG tag pass you see. Hais dahi boleh tepuk sepeluh!

And after a long tedious day of collecting dust around my nose, rearranging everything, sorting out clothes for my flea market w Andy... I've decided to treat myself to pizza! I'm just glad that now I can proudly strike ~~Spring Clean Your Wardrobe~~ off my checklist :')

Hehehe ok cheers everyone xxx

honestly,

2012-01-04T03:39:00.001+08:00

I really don't like myself sometimes

The start of a new year

2012-01-03T02:41:00.000+08:00

1st January 2012.

Timecheck: 2300 hours and we are at Marina Bay Sands.
A really nice spot where Amin and his bros been sitting to relax. And they're right.
The place was incredible. Being covered by a blanket of stars.
Accompanied by the gusty wind that blew & scattered the clouds into smaller pieces in the sky.
And, him of course.

The night, at one point, got a little teary.
Blame my sentimental thoughts.

At one point, I also did something unplanned. Something a little bit out of from my usual self.
But no regrets, I'm glad it finally happened. Been wanting to make it happen.

No, I'm not talking about sex. I am a virgin, still. Goodness.

5 flashbacks

2012-01-01T06:16:00.001+08:00

1.1.12.

Leaning against him, she cups his jaw with her right hand rather aggressively.
She demanded, "Now that 2011 ended. I want you to give me 5 memories from it. 5 random memories you can pick up from the whole time we've been together. It'd be bonus if you remind me of a memory I don't remember anymore."

He inhales, exhales. "I can do that"

-------------

1st:
"Remember that time in the bus? We used your mirror camera to take a picture of ourselves. And the guy sitting behind us was in the frame too? And he coincidentally looked up straight into the camera, making eye contact w you through the mirror camera?"

Yes I do. Indeed. That was one of the most awkward encounters we had with a stranger. Also the funniest incident too.

2nd:

"Remember I brought our camera out w us for the first time? Beautiful date it was.. And on that day, you were also the very first person to drop the camera too."

Butterfingers Shidah, a fine cliche. How could I forget that? The camera even snapped a photo when it fell to the ground.

3rd:
"Remember we sat the whole day through at Toa Payoh Library webcamming and watching movies on samad? You entered the washroom and realised you had menses blood leakage. Really bad leakage. And you couldn't come out from the washroom without having the jeans noticed, with the blood and all? So I went down to the shop and bought for you, your pads. And praying I didn't get it wrong because the pantiliners were confusing me. And after a kind auntie helped me pass you the pads in the toilet, I waited for you outside the toilet, worrying like a husband panicking for his wife's labour. Do you remember?"

Of course I did... Shit, that was embarrassing. How do you bear me.

4th:
"This is the least favourite memory of mine. Remember I left you at Bukit Batok? Because I had to run for my last bus? Darn, that was one of the worse feeling I've had in the relationship. Leaving you to go home alone like that. Also the main factor that makes me want to send you home now everyday till your lift."

It wasn't that bad.... I was given the chance to skate home alone!

5th:
"Remember..... Changi Airport. The first time"

That was our 1st real date. Gazing at the airplanes. Walking around holding hands pretending to be tourists. You still had that long shaggy hair. With ripped pants. And I wasn't wearing make up that day. Heck, I didn't even dress up. That day.. Of course, I remember.

----------------

She smiles. She leans towards him, still cupping his jaw.

Moving forward, she kisses his moisture lips. Slowly sinking her tounge into his.

She whispers, "1st of 2012. Happy New Year darling"

Morissat's Narnia

2012-01-01T05:49:00.002+08:00

30.12.11

As planned, I did meet Apek today! After accompanying me shopping for an appropriate dress to wear the next day(which was countdown, and appropriate, given to the fact I'd be with Amin's family during the day). We went over to MBS and this was totally spontaneous because we didn't know there was going to be a Narnia Exhibition! Thank God, I didn't use up all my money, I had sufficient to treat us to the peeks of Narnia.*adds the magical theme song of Narnia*

Like the night couldn't get any better. We walked passed the usually placid, quiet riverside of MBS, which apparently was having their water shows on. It was beautiful. The bubbles, the music, the fountain. There were these holograms of Joakim Gomez singing on the surface of the water fountains too, but I didn't get too catch on video. I was too jakonized lah to function hais.

But the most essential part of today, is the fact I got to finally wrap my arms around you to hug and laugh like old times. Though sometimes either one of us might be a little busy and we don't get to meet up for weeks, I'm just extremely glad we got to spend some time today before the year ends. Thank you Kimmy :')

Swimming for Bowlers

2012-01-01T04:42:00.000+08:00

29.12.11

Woke up in a wonderful cold weather,
which made the process of waking up a whole lot dreadful for me. Got up, packed my stuffs.
And as planned, went swimming w the small group of friends I've been recently meeting with this holidays. Plus, Amin's little brother joined us as Amin was on a honourable duty of babysitting him.

It was fun, though really my tan line has never been so obvious! But I'm not depressed that I might have gone 2 tones darker, surprisingly and actually I really wanna buy this moisturiser. Something Dini lended me that day after we swam. Kind of did wonders, it made me seem fairer than I did even before i went swimming.

We ended swimming early than expected. So we did an impromptu plan of playing bowling at Bukit Batok's Safra, which really was the best part of the day.

Left: The quirkiest couple I know, acting all coy

Center: Hashim, who was taking care of Hanif half the time, when Amin wasn't.

Right: An epic photo of the 2 angsty brothers(no similarities would be found, so don't bother)

Also, it was Dini's first time playing Bowling. But geez, she was pretty good for a beginner And I, on the other hand, has improved tremendously. Fine, maybe I ain't a 100 scorer but its my first to even reach 50 points! Hehehe now I am more than willing to say yes if someone invites me for a game of bowling. :)

Nutty Natty

2011-12-29T01:58:00.000+08:00

This was taken perhaps within the first month we got close.

I miss this girl. Although I've known her only as long as I've been in my first year Higher Nitec class,

I don't remember having so much fun and chemistry w anyone else in a class before.

She made school doable for me and I just wish we both would try harder to maintain this friendship w the holidays going on and all. Really I do.

Love you Natty

xxx

finally

2011-12-28T18:09:00.000+08:00

"Mum, I'm meeting Amin"
"For what?"
"He's coming down for awhile to grab dinner w me. At Jurong West perhaps"
"You know the way there?"
"Jyeh."

And that shall mark the first of many times I'll be honest w mum that I am actually going out w a boy :)
God Bless!

the ends of '11

2011-12-27T04:49:00.000+08:00

Calmness.

I've never felt more lucid, more certain to text a few people I've been wanting to talk to. And ask them out.

People that used to mean a little bit more to me, people I've never gotten back to after saying be right back.

I figured now would be a nice time to put that waiting to a closure.

But of course, closure sometimes can't be forced. We have to let nature do it. But I'm glad I tried.

On Saturday, I'll be meeting Hakim. A boy who I've been perhaps neglecting for months while trying to get my pieces of life together. A boy whom I used to be so close with.

My bestfriend, I like to remember him as.

food and girls

2011-12-27T04:39:00.000+08:00

Woke up, bathed and headed out from my house together. It seemed almost surreal.

As we separate back to our regular lives for a day without each other,

I met Ayu and Dini to collect our pay to only find out the office was closed due to the holiday. We were frustrated but certainly more hungry, so we went back to Dini's and cooked Nasi Goreng!

I know it doesnt quite looks delicious, but it was one of the nicest nasi goreng i've tasted. No shit.

But I only had 1 serving of it because I didnt wanna look like a greedy Godzilla beside my pretty petite girls who were full after a few mouthfuls hahaha k shut up bye.

this love on 7th

2011-12-27T04:17:00.000+08:00

21st December 2011

We went out on the day he returned from Thailand to spend our 7th month together. From Marche to using Walkie Talkie while walking on the streets of town and to a tearful night. The most memorable date.

We bought for each other gifts. He got me stuffs while he was at Thailand. I liked especially this red beanie and a vintage watch. While I, in old boring Singapore, got him a Vintage Transformer Walkie Talkie!

Enjoyed the rest of the evening walking around ended the night rather dramatically. But its all good and gone now. For now, I just miss him. Again. Is this normal?

Christmas Miracle

2011-12-26T04:12:00.003+08:00

Look who's here tonight!!

We both got lost on our way(only made possible if both parties suck at navigating). By the time I could reach home there weren't any buses for him to head home. My mum couldn't leave him sleeping at the busstop could she?

So I guess the cat is out of the bag, the secret is out. Everyone in the family knows hes my boyfriend.

And odd enough, they're very accepting. They've only met for the 2nd time and they like him already. Plus this is my first time even bringing a boy home and admitting he's my boyfriend. I'm so glad my mum kind of accepts him.

Alhamdullilah and goodnight everyone!

p.s: its so weird i usually text him till i fall asleep and now he's just a room away from me... in my house. omg.

2nd chapter

2011-12-25T00:53:00.001+08:00

"Fuck this shit"

Her mind scowled as she slips out of her night dress pyjamas and grabs a navy blue crew neck shirt from her closet. If this was an ordinary day, she might have taken the liberty to choose a nicer top to wear, but today. Today, she didn't give a fuck.

She glances at her watch, time check: 06.10AM 24 Hours Mode.

Her fingers starts to tap, tapping a good beat. Then the bus comes. The first bus and she's on it.

"I don't deserve a second chance, I understand"

His voice lingering around her, taunting her, even with her music volume put on maximum. And sudden images of yesterday plays on her mind working like a slideshow. His face, red and wet, shouting in pain. Pleasure, she smiles. And snaps. Sea Of Love from Cat Power now playing on her ipod, it was her song. His song. Their song. I really don't need this right now she thinks and presses next. Like she couldn't give a fuck. Cos she really didn't.

Tapping out from the bus. She is at the boy's place. To settle the scores. She walks to the playground near his block and smirks on remembering a brilliant first kiss.

------------

Pouting his feminine upper lips, he sulks "I can't believe this I'm letting a girl pay for the movies". The girl laughs, "Hey, its time I pay you back a little after all the treats you spent on me".

It was 21st May 2011. The same girl and boy, with their first story. A story that led to many other chapters.

They rushed into the cinemas, this would be the 3rd time they hung out. They could be defined as Skinny Love at the moment. In love and in denial. The movie starts, Pirates of the Carribean was the witness of their first intimate touch. The girl could have died out of anticipation, but it came.

"You know.. you could lean on me. If you wanted to. Since its comfortable and all"

She did.

"Hey, you could put your naked arms around my covered with thick cotton hoodie arms. If you're feeling cold"

She did.

"Hey, you're really freezing.. Do you wanna wear my hoodie?"

She didn't.

Instead, she takes his warm hands and starts rubbing her thumb against it. The coldness doesn't disappear but the tingling sensation that took over her and made it feel all okay. The whole scene in the cinema, felt like a lifetime. Felt right. But they were just friends, were they not?

"Its okay, I don't need your hoodie. Your hands are good"

Its night time. They are at a playground near his block. She was supposed to meet up with some friends. He was supposed to be home. But they forgot. Or rather, they subconsciously put the plans aside and set new impromptu ones for one another.

Leaning her head against his chest, watching a comedy movie on her ipod named Alex. They were infatuated, so in love with each other's company. These two, would always boast how they never needed love. That love was unnecessary and was nothing but a burden. These same 2 had lost their faith in love. But that night. On 21st May 2011. When the girl laughed at a scene when Anna Faris tries to pulls off a bimbotic lecture, she felt hot air from the right side of her head. Both sitting down straight, the girl leaning on his shoulder blade, the boy lowers his head and rest his chin on her head and closes his eyes. Pausing momentarily and breathing heavily, he asked ever so politely, "May I kiss you?"

And a soft kiss plants on her forehead. Followed by laughters. Confessions. Hugs. A sleepless night. A newfound relationship, newfound love.

----------

Lying down on the green slide, watching him speak from the corner of her eyes. He kept such distance from him. But the angle was good from where she could see him with only the view of her left eye. She sees him speak, but does not hear. She simply watches him. His lips. His ears. His hair. His eyes. His eyes... Puffy, and red. His forehead, the bruise on it got worse. Crying and banging your head all night huh? Good job. Her mind speaks for what she sees, she closes her eyes for a moment to think. Think why she was here again. Why was her beautiful boyfriend looking in total distraught. She looks at him, still talking, pouring his heart. Again, she closes her eyes. And manages to catches a small from it all.

"I am speechless. Ashamed of my sins. I am afraid I am not worthy of your second chance. I understand now after seeing your pain. I understand if you must leave me for you own good. So, do decide now, If you wish to stay with me. An animal. "

---------------

A chapter

2011-12-24T01:12:00.001+08:00

Step No.1 to Forgiving:

Inhale, exhale. Now, remember.

He takes a deep breathe. Inhale. Exhales. He searches for strength within himself desperately.

She smiles faintly, putting her delicate hand over his face "Come, tell me. You can tell me anything"

He breathes in again, heavier this time, "But you'll run away from me"

Her heart skips a beat, anticipating for the worst, she maintains her composure and smiles.

"You can tell me, I can take it"

Subconsciously, that was the first lie.

"Now.. Just tell me. I'll be just here"

Second lie.

--------

Whilst watching him bang his head repeatedly on the blue pillar.

The girl sits on the ledge at a playground, sobbing uncontrollably, you might have mistaken her for a little girl whom had just lost a teddy bear, or her favourite blankie. And as her hands search for any dry leaves or small twigs near to her reach for her to tear to pieces, she chants, "I trusted you. I loved you. I trusted you."

"I am an animal, greedy and stupid. But you, your love is so pure, so real. I just can't do this anymore. I've said a cheater never should be forgiven, now I must eat my words. You don't deserve a monster like me, honestly I don't deserve anyone"

He shouts in agony, as if each word took a heavy stab to his heart. The girl feels almost at peace, almost placid, looking at him hurt as much as she was. His entire face was red, a little red abrasion on the center of his forehead caused by his head banging earlier. His face was wet. It seemed sticky. Was it mucus on his philtrum? She wonders and snaps. Comes back to where she is, to what was happening. Looks up to the face she finds hardly familiar anymore, he's distraught, he's remorseful, good she thinks. Broken, she feels.

The boy drops to his knees, closes his face with his hands. Shouts his stupidity to the world, loathing himself. Kneeling now, he looks at the girl he loves and cries, again. If only I knew it was going to hurt her this much, I'd never had done the things I did. I'd kill myself than to see her go through this pain. I'd kill myself than to watch her cry at my sins. He reaches out for her hand. Unendurably, he sees her cringe and pulls back her hand, whimpering, "Please. Please don't touch me"

---------------

7th month

2011-12-22T03:22:00.001+08:00

What do I do now?

I don't know what to do myself. I love you.

I love you too.

why baby

2011-12-22T03:06:00.000+08:00

"However, many people cheat one time and after seeing how much pain they are causing the other person by doing it, they will never do it again. It is impossible to say at this early stage to which category your boyfriend belongs to. Only time will tell that."

"Do not forgive him and cut all ties with that person (ie crucified).

Remember if someone really loves you will make every effort not to hurt you, and if someone is cheating, take it as proof that you will learn and be stronger. Overall, things happen for something and maybe you have to kiss a few toads to find Prince."

"A person with strong faith and positivity knows how to compose herself, even she is in tears, she is going to say “I’m okay” with a big smile on her face."

"Should I hate you for cheating on me? Or should I just hate what you did to me?"

If you cheat on a girl that's willing to do anything for you, you actually cheated yourself out of true loyalty.

My Thaiger

2011-12-20T01:00:00.003+08:00

So, he left this morning.

His departure changed to an earlier timing or something like that. Thus, I couldn't fulfil my anticipation of saying a tearful goodbye to him at the airport and said goodbye on the phone instead.

Also he's promised to write in our book after a day and journal down his day, everything. So once he returns i'll be able to read it from his freshest memory. Well as i hopelessly look forward for a msg from him, which is rather ridiculous cos i told him myself not to text me because it'd be darn expensive, i'll put myself to sleep w a book i just borrowed today from the library, Guantanamo Boy.

Hope hes doing fine down there, hope his mates are nice and hes having absolute fun. Hope hes learnt a few kicks from Muay Thai. Hope he eaten and bathed and had rest. Hope he's taking pictures! Hope he misses me :')

Goodnight

Sweet dreams all, sweet dreams baby

CHOKE

2011-12-18T04:26:00.000+08:00

completed the book finally after about 7 months. thats the longest time i took to finish a book. it wasn't even thick. maybe you'd think i intentionally wanted to drag reading it, as if everytime i held the book i'd get reminded of cherry its rightful owner. and perhaps i got over it and decided to get over w the book and end it off. you might think it worked that way. but of course not. actually i'd like to thank cherry personally for introducing a talented cult writer Chuck Palahniuk to me. now, i'm just looking forward to selecting a new book to be my hobby.

denial isn't the right word, but its the first word that comes to mind.

Dec Holiday Chalet

2011-12-18T03:53:00.001+08:00

The chalet was great. I wish it was longer. I loved movietime best when i made everyone stay in the stay dark room right at midnight and watched Ju On together, while snuggling on the bed fighting for the blanket. I am thankful of my boyfriend's presence in the chalet, he was the reliable icebreaker, making everyone laughing 4am in the morning. Funny thing, he's not even from our school.(fyi:this was a secondary school chalet)

I'm just glad my friends loved his company, just as much as i did and always had.

Goodnight xxx

Simple Plan anyone?

2011-12-18T03:37:00.000+08:00

A very hideous, off tune and loud video of us spontaneously singing
(recommended to lower your speakers volume down if you really must watch)

My bestfriend Kaya recorded this, we were at her home, semi guest semi entertaining her.

I like you alot Amin.

Don't go

2011-12-18T02:55:00.000+08:00

Hi flowers

Had work today and ended at 8pm. Ibu couldnt stop trying to match me up w this vietnam guy at work and also she speaks so fondly of her son hoping i'd be interested. It was all good fun. Then afterwards i planned on going home sulking in self-pity with nothing to look forward in life, until Amint decided he was going to bail work and meet me. So i treated the boy dinner, a meal he'll remember before heading out to Thailand w his cca on Monday :(

Besides the fact he looks like a little boy been forced by the older sister to smile for the camera, i enjoyed tonight so much despite him being lethargic w red bloodshot eyes for the first hour. Yes thats him lethargic.

Its never going to feel like a normal day when the normal person you text, call, facebook, tweet, meet won't be around anymore even just for a single day. What else 3 days?

I hate you and i miss you already.

yellow

2011-12-13T03:54:00.000+08:00

I was impulsive, it led me to sinister. I literally shivered, my mind said no but body was working like a devil

my 911 gals

2011-12-13T03:32:00.002+08:00

Met up with the 2 bestfriends!

Roamed around Somerset and applied a job at Kinokuniya Bookstore, oh do hope they'll arrange an interview with us. Soon after we went to VivoCity and they tried Page One bookstore but they were full, i tried Forever 21 but they're forever hiring full timers :(

Kaknga joined us later at night to shop for a dress at Bugis, which she couldnt find any that she liked. We did however manage to spoil a dress she was fitting on, honestly shes never been more alike to me in that butterfingers sense.

Going to meet some friends and most importantly Baba tomorrow. Also continuing my sister's quest to find a dress, dragging Baba along this time. Can't wait to have my first HERBAL LIFE shake tmrw morning! Goodnighty lovelettes xoxo

Cool ours

2011-12-11T03:56:00.000+08:00

Hello Flowers

Thinking of colouring my short hair brown and do some subtle colouring on the inner layer of my hair. Can't decide though which colour and dip dying seems to be just as tempting too. Oooo can't get enough of this tumblr site! http://fuckyeah-hair.tumblr.com/

As you can see i am torn apart by dip dying and inner lower half dying, but given to my apparent situation in life with working and school and all, i might give a shot inner lower half dying. Brown on the outside, blue/purple/pink in the inside!

felt like monday

2011-12-09T04:13:00.003+08:00

0400 hours and i have not hit the sack yet.

Just so awfully glad that tmrw will be the last day of school, holidays please you are welcome to stay longer.

Class had some photoshoot going on, so i got myself in a blazer because the spaghetti i had for lunch left many odd looking polka dots on my white blouse. This picture was of course taken by my handphone and i did try my best not to look like a real estate agent ~(-.-)~

Oh yes, i am still shading my eyebrows at home! Lol ma i don't mean to hide this from you but it'd be best if i just keep mum(literally). Gnight xoxo

"If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched."

2011-12-09T03:56:00.005+08:00

I've always admired Robert Pattinson, despite of so many teenage critics against Twilight, I've always known that both he and Kristen Stewart were great individuals at acting. I noticed how Robert plays his roles, he brings this subtle poignance in. Somewhat very appealing(to me, atleast).

Remember Me was no different. He became rebellious New Yorker Tyler, but despite being a desolated hothead after his brother's suicide, his resolute love for his younger sister is extremely admirable.

The ending again, made me cry. Also brought me to the subject of the 9/11 victims. The movie will leave perhaps some emotional impact. Still makes me think how Tyler felt the second he saw that plane coming in his way.

"You think death has ripped you forever apart. But I know he'll always be in your heart. "

2011-12-09T03:26:00.001+08:00

"Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying."- Vada

Vada an extremely bright 11-year old girl living w her father who still grieves for the wife whom also apparently brings home dead bodies for his job. Which makes Vada paranoid about her death and health. I thought it was going to be a total light-hearted movie about young love, but i guess not. I don't remember crying so much for so many minutes at an ending of a movie.

Thomas J gave the movie its epicness. Kudos to him!

"Hi we accidentally recorded this"

2011-12-08T19:00:00.004+08:00

Thats exactly what he does all the time. Laughing off every sticky situation, every mistake. His cheery optimism is highly contagious, though only mildly effective on an anxious girl such as yours truly.

Okay my boy, I'll be seeing you on Saturday

stuck in the past?

2011-12-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

I just realized combining my previous blogs into this blog was not a good idea.

In my recent Onsugar which has been imported here, the posts were very private as i had no readers and the link was not given to anyone. Now that its public.... it just makes me feel terribly uneasy. So perhaps i'll export it back to another blog. Ooooo so goodbye '09 '20 '11 archives.

Guess i'll start anew

Thick Trouble

2011-12-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

Today went from steep to downslope.

First, i was early from school. Thats a first in these 2 week. But after school I went to thread my eyebrows as per usual after a month or so, but i threaded it at a shop i've never done before(recommended by a friend). But the lady made my eyebrows and Dini's awfully thin! It's like 1 line thin. What bothers me is not about how thin it is(it'll grow, sides i usually shade it when i go out) but at home i can't be wearing make up can i, MY MUM IS GOING TO FREAK.

So I had this crazy idea that i'll wear make up(really thick) for now and wait for mum to come home so she'll just pass it off that i just got back home & i'm too lazy to wash off my make up. My eyebrows don't look thin at all either w all this hideously thick shadings. So i'm good... for now.

Ho wells.

Benjamin Button

2011-12-07T02:37:00.001+08:00

Beautiful and poignant, love had never been more possible as shown in this movie. It scares me how a person may only enjoy a short period of time that might seem forever w their love before a big storm or even a subtle change comes into every picture. Magical yet so agonizing was what i could greatly relate on Benjamin's part, life was what reminded me its nothing new.

Celludelights

2011-12-07T02:25:00.001+08:00

Hello

So mum got very upset w me on the phone when she received news from my dad that my teacher called him to question why i was not in school. Silly teacher, i gave you my sister's number for a reason! Of all 7 family members, my dad, seriously?

After taking my pay together w Adleena & Dini, I headed to the Wellness Studio to do my body mass evaluation. Paid for celluloss, ooooo can't wait to start! Just a few more working days and i'll be done w the supplements. Chiong Shidah, chiong.

Its 2.30am and i'm not intending to be late again for school. Goodnight earthlings, goodnight love.

Sugar Oh Oh

2011-12-06T07:19:00.003+08:00

"Why do you take care of me so well?"

"Who are you to me?"

I am perhaps & hopefully the first and last lady that you'll fall in love with, everyday

A familiar Hello

2011-12-06T06:36:00.001+08:00

So I'm staying at my favourite gal's place tonight.

Despite having to wake up at 6am, we decided to stay up and read back my old blogs. Most i thought i've deleted. But to only find out its well and alive together w all the memories in it. So i compiled those archives into this original blog of mine.

Promised my mum i'd be early for school but... Sorry momma. Imma go to sleep now w Kaya beside me, i can't stop smiling at her like a sick old man.

Farewell, sweet dreams to myself xxx

Shidah's Golden Words

2008-05-01T00:51:00.001+08:00

1.55am.

Dont be sorry Feeza. I know how it feels.
Wanting to say so much, but not uttering a word bout it.
I guess, I dont know.
Its hard. We rarely talk.
We rarely smile.
We've become complete strangers when nothing really came between us.
My stomach hurts.
But my heart aches the most.
I think how you've been there fer mr through it all,
how you cried fer me when it was over fer me & him.
How you would sacrifice your time just to spend time with me.
How we can go to the library and not learn a thing.
And end up having 2 guys.
Its funny.

Are we saving this friendship.
Or, do we actually want all this to end?
Tell me Feeza.
Cause, i dont know.
You dint changed.
You were the same.
You've always been the same.
Have i ?
I hope not.
Just one day,
i wish.
There'll be atime,
just you and me.
And noone else in the world.
And we can sit in tht very bus, again.

Feeza's Golden Words

2008-04-30T16:25:00.001+08:00

Nurshahidah Binte Ahmad
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
FOR SHIDAH.

Friends forever, you promised.Together till the end.We did everything with each other.You were my best friend.When I was sad, you were by my side.When I was scared, you felt my fear.You were my best support -If I needed you, you were there.You were the greatest friend,You always knew what to say:You made everything seem better.As long as we had each other,Everything would be okay.But somewhere along the line,We slowly came apart.I was here, you were there,It tore a hole in my heart.Things were changing,Our cheerful music reversed its tune.It was like having salt without pepper,A sun without its moon.Suddenly we were miles apart,Two different people, with nothing the same.It was as if we hadn't been friends;Although we knew deep in our hearts.Neither one of us was to blameYou had made many new friendsAnd luckily, so had IBut that didn't change the hurt -The loss of our friendship made me cry.As we grow older, things must changeBut they don't always have to end.Even though it is different, now,You will always be my friend.

-Feeza.